Drink Rum

Then we got in a cab and left. Our cab driver was puzzled as to why we were going to a strip club in the middle of the day, but he took us there anyway. Upon arrival, we noticed a big sign out front about dress codes being enforced. Mike went in to make sure we were ok and the nice lady at the front desk said we were fine.

Happy hour at this place was very happy indeed. No cover, free buffet, and free drinks. Awesome.

Score was a huge club, two stories with a big winding staircase in the middle. It has a big library feel to it. Nice lighting, big stage, huge bar, very nice. When we got there, the place was pretty dead. It had only been open for 30 minutes, so I guess that’s why. I was a bit concerned that the ladies were going to be pretty skuzzy since it wasn’t prime time, but boy was I wrong.

We sat down a table with a nice view of the stage, but back far enough that we could keep the boobs out of the chicken wings. I was feeling a little woozy so I ordered a Corona and didn’t bother with food. Within minutes a stripper was in Duane’s lap. She had her back to me, so I couldn’t see her face, but she had a fairly typical blond stripper frame. She and he conversed briefly and very soon she was naked and dancing for Mike. He seemed a bit surprised. Not surprised like when a doctor tells you that you have gout, but more surprised like when you get a BB gun for Christmas surprise. Duane leaned over to me and confided that the girl hadn’t really asked if Mike wanted a dance, but asked Duane if he’d hook up his bachelor buddy… to which he said yes. The girl took that as her cue to go gyrate on Mike. In hind sight, it might have been nice to warn him. I got bored and went up to the stage. By bored, I mean that there was a super hot leggy brunette on stage and I watched her do her thing on the catwalk. It’s kinda cool being the only guy sitting at the stage. After she was done, I went looking for her, but never found her again. She was hot. I decided to go talk to someone about special arrangements for having the bachelor party fun there that evening. To make a long story short, I talked with the manager and we got hooked up with a limo and a central reserved table for that evening. Awesome. I do love me some limos.

I went back to the table and Duane was sitting there having some food with the stripper from Mike’s dance. Mike was sitting at the stage and there was another hot girl on. I decided to leave Duane with the hungry stripper and join Mike. He had a very neatly arranged series of cash piles on the stage in front of him and was wondering if the gal on stage was going to ever come get them. I sat down and plopped two dollar bills on the stage and the girl came right over. Mike was hurt, but not so much as that he couldn’t laugh at the situation. He even offered to get me a dance from her when she was off stage. That was very nice of him and I graciously accepted. She popped backstage and told us she’d be out in a minute. Awesome.

We rejoined Duane at the table and he had a “thanks for leaving me guys” look. After getting a good look at the hungry stripper he was seated with I could see why. She was a bit of a troll. She told us her name was Shamequa, or Shandala, or Sasqwatch or something like that. She ordered herself a drink and when it arrived she acted like she didn’t have any money to pay, so I bought it for her. I was instantly perturbed.

Shortly thereafter, the sexy gal from the stage came over and sat down in the chair next to me. We chatted for a bit. She had a bit of giddy nervousness that I found very disarming. It turns out that this was only her third day of stripping. She said her name was Daisy. That name was a problem for me. Daisy isn’t a stripper name. To me, that sounds like someone who milks cows for a living. Of course in some circles, daisy is slang a certain part of a woman’s anatomy. Maybe that was her angle. I don’t know I didn’t ask. A few nights prior, I had watched 2001. In the scene where HAL is dying (being turned off) he sings a silly little song about Daisy. It was a very bizarre moment. A scene in a movie about a computer going crazy and then being shut down and my own brain taking a leave of absence had a disturbing coincidental anchor. Daisy. I didn’t let that bug me much. Much. I did bother me though and I chatted with her for quite a while. She eventually did do her magic dance for me and it was wonderful. She had a Chinese character tattooed on the small of her back and I asked her what it meant. She said it was the symbol for love… and I could love her ass all night long. That’s actually a quote. That was a very intriguing phrase and I laughed quite a bit at it. She wasn’t laughing though… just smiling. I stopped laughing too. At some point in the conversation I accidentally used a phrase that I use somewhat commonly, “That’s a Daisy”. It’s in reference to a line Doc Holliday used repeatedly in the movie Tombstone. I don’t remember what context I used it in, but it confused Daisy. Probably as much as my retelling of the event has confused you. I quickly changed the subject and told her about our experiences with Little Man and PHAT Matt. She laughed… because I’m funny. Or pathetic. But because I’m creating this story, I can change it to suit my own ideas. She laughed because I was wickedly clever and sexy… not because I was carrying large amounts of cash and was exhausted and likely slurring like Jerry Lewis on hour 18 of a telethon.

By now, Duane had gone off and found a sexier woman to chat with. Mike did as well. So I was sitting at the table with Daisy and Sasqwatch. Sasqwatch started to complain that the other guys ditched her. I was half tempted to ask Daisy to come with me to another table and ditch Sasqwatch as well, but I didn’t feel like getting up just then. Daisy mentioned later that Sasqwatch was rather unpopular with the working girls because she’d try to steal business.

We’d been at the club for over two hours at this point. We had the front desk lady call for a cab. Duane’s new stripper friend scolded me for taking him away from her, but I assured her that we would be back later. Daisy gave me a hug and then I got up to go find Mike. In the process I saw an absolutely stunning blonde on the stage. I gave her a smile and she smiled back, but I had to find Mike because our cab had arrived and I didn’t have time for eye flirting.

I finally found everyone and slowing got them moving towards the door. Sasqwatch asked if we’d be seeing her tonight as well and I politely replied, “Maybe”.

I looked back over my shoulder and the blonde on stage was waving at me and motioning for me to come over. Duane was still saying goodbye to the gal he was hanging out with so I went over to her. She said hi and that she’d been trying to get my attention for some time. I replied that with her body, she had no trouble getting my attention. She was sad that we were leaving, but told us to ask for her when we came back. I asked her what her name was and she said “Casey.”

“Casey with a ‘y’”? I said

“No… ‘K.’ ‘C.’” she replied.

“Awesome”.

I tipped her a few bucks and we headed out the door.
Once we got in the light of day, Mike noticed that his shirt had some sort of residue on it. Same with his britches. He was trying to figure out what it was when he realized that it was rubbed on him from his dance with Sasqwatch. It basically looked like she (now renamed Fudge’ems) wiped her ass with Mike. It was probably the funniest, nastiest thing I’ve ever seen. Duane and I laughed until it physically hurt at Mike’s tainted (heh) clothes. When we got in the cab, Mike was frantically trying to get the brown glaze off his clothes, butt it wouldn’t budge.

Oh the humanity.