Not So Married With Children
I was recently informed that my obsessee Christina Applegate has called it splits with her husband.
I always knew she couldn't stay away from me. All those nights I dreamt of us together have finally paid off.
Now all I have to do is figure out how to get a beautiful Hollywood starlet to fall for an outta shape thirty-something guy.
I think I've got enough drugs that I could swing that... I just have to figure out how to get them into her. Do you think she'd be too clever to fall for a random fan letter containing a mystery pill with a note that said, "Eat Me and Call My Cell Phone"?
I think I'll need to work on that.
I actually almost ran into her once in Las Vegas at the MTV music awards (aka Suckularity Contest). I thought it was her but it turned out to be P-Diddy in drag.