Because God Hates You...
OK, so I know I'm really behind on the posts. I apologize. Lack of sleep, ear pain, and work silliness has had my attention as of late. So I promised Las Vegas stories... Here's a quick one.
One the way to the airport leaving Las Vegas, we had a charming cab driver that shared the same ideology that I do... that, of course, being that the majority of the people in the world are stupid. I take that further and also have determined that they are in my way the vast majority of the time and are in direct opposition to my goals. (Such as live in a place with less people.) Anyway...
It was raining.
This was the 4th time in the history of Las Vegas that water had fallen from the sky that had not, in fact, been recently shot up there by the fountains at the Bellagio. (Where does Dracula stay when he goes to Las Vegas? He stays at the BLAAAHgio! That works better when I can voice it.) So... cab guy is telling us a story about some of his less than bright people he's had in his cab. He tells us of a time when he was driving some people around and it started to rain. One of the passengers questioned, "Why is it raining?" That's a stupid question. The cab guy was miffed about it. He was like, "What kind of a dumb question is that, what am I supposed to say to that?"
I replied, "Just say, "Because god hates you.""
He liked that and said he would use that line on people from then on. That also became the running answer to any asked question for the next few hours.
So if you're ever in Las Vegas and riding around in a cab... and you ask a dumb question and the driver responds with "because god hates you"... tell him to send me my dollar. That was the deal. I told him that he could use my line, but I wanted a one dollar usage fee. Seriously. I want my dollar.
For those that were there or heard that story before, you may recall that it was my intention to get GOD H8S U on my license plates. Sadly, there's already someone driving around Virginia with said tags. I'm just not quick enough. Drat.
Speaking of people I want carted away, why do adults not know how to use the bathroom properly? Is it really that hard? Am I some sort of bathroom usage nut that is out of line thinking that the human waste actually goes into a toilet (jeez, even a sink) and not on the floor?
While in Las Vegas, I happened into a bathroom in the Excalibur. Someone had... um... done a bundle on the floor. Now... that in and of itself is pretty nasty. I mean... gross. But at least the offending matter was easily avoided. A very bright janitor (restroom utility engineer) came in to clean up the problem. OK... at least the problem was going to be taken care of. Except... the guy was using one of those broom/dust box combo things usually reserved for sweeping up cigarette butts in theme parks. Now... Las Vegas is like a big theme park... the theme being Give Me Your Money... but... the pile... was not a cigarette butt. And the janitor then made a smeary mess attempting to get the gross into the scoopy box thing. The foot print of the nasty had now grown three fold. But... it was still avoidable (although not as obvious to the new restroom arrivals). And had the janitor left it at that... well... I dunno, but he didn't. He decided to go ahead and spot sweep the rest of the restroom while he was there. Using, naturally, the poo covered implements he'd just tamed the brown beast with. Over the next 10 minutes, this guy managed to spread the tainted unhappiness in bits and dollups all over the entire room. I was horrified. I suddenly realized that I was standing in the center of a dooky mine field. I barely survived.
That was Las Vegas. That makes for a funny story. Let's fast forward a day at my office. We have 3 floors with a mensroom on each floor. That's three mensrooms for the math majors. Yesterday, people managed to violate all three. It's I like a work in a fraternity house. Third floor (the floor on which I work)... someone decided to flush those almost cardboard style paper towels. Bzzzzt! Field trip down to the second floor. That's where the cafeteria is. It was around lunch time, so... I blame myself for not thinking this through. Second floor mensroom was clearly a biohazard zone following what must have been for someone, a very very large lunch of burritos and plague. I fled to the the ground floor.
I'm not sure what happened down there. I'm pretty sure that that bathroom could becalled the Toliet that Time Forgot. I'm positive it was the Toilet that the Janitor Forgot because the place hadn't been cleaned... ever.
I went home.
I was just not in the mood for that crap (heh). So I just called it a day and went home.
On my traffic riddled drive home, I found myself pondering the question, "Why is it that I am constantly surrounded by people in my way (traffic) or people who seem to have no ability to use the bathroom like an adult?"
In the distance I heard a cab driver bellow, "Because god hates you..."