Drink Rum

Well... it's Christmas Eve. I guess it's really Christmas Eve afternoon, which seems less impactful. I'm not sitting at home by a fire, sipping hot chocolate under a blanket while Burl Ives sings in the ol' stereo. I'm sitting in a cubical in front of a laptop, chugging Gatorade with Pink Floyd's Animals blazing in my headphones.

I've grown increasingly cynical about... um... everything... over the past few years. It should come as a surprise to no one that Christmas seems to be another target or my ire. It's funny, as I don't seem to be alone in my thoughts on many aspects here, but for whatever reason I get labelled as the "Scrooge". (Just for the record, Scrooge was a far more believable character than Jesus or Santa.)

What does Christmas mean to people? Well... mostly it means lots of money moving around. There are whole industries that earn the majority of their annual revenue in the Christmas month of December. People buying things for other people... usually things that the target people don't want in the first place. Or buying gift cards... essentially saying, "you go get it". (Which... I like btw.) Or a classic amongst the older people in my family... giving gifts of crap that were found in the attic... the classic, "I don't want this, but I'm sure you do" gift. Gifting.

Bleh. I'm trying desperately to avoid purchasing anything for anyone this year (and doing fairly well), although I know that tonight I will have to run out and get at least one last minute thing. I don't know what that "thing" is yet, but it's my tradition to go get one "thing" and give the true gift of Christmas... that, of course, being not to kill someone in my way. Merry Christmas random person in the wrong place at the wrong time!

Keep in mind, on the 26th, when I'm returning things... better watch out, better not cry, better not pout, i'm telling you why... Monty has a gun and hates lines.

So gifts are crap.

Then there's the family thing. Everyone seems to take the time to go see people they have no real desire to see.

Everyone goes "home for the holidays". And then I hear things like... "I love my family, but I can't stand them." Or my favorite... "I like my family... but only in small doses."

Everyone gets together and then realizes why they don't get together more often. And the visits usually involve going back to a place that you left for a reason. And usually that reason(s) still there. I'm sure that doesn't help.

But here's my favorite bit of holiday crap. The good will towards men nonsense. It's like one day of the year, everyone acts nice. I say act because most people that are only nice for the 25th are only pretending. They'd probably still rather push you down a flight of stairs than hold a door open for you... but because it's Jesus McSavior's birthday... you get a door open. I also like people who bend over backwards discussing how they spent a day volunteering in a soup kitchen or donated $50 to the Red Cross. I like how charity's only need support on the 25th. That's very convenient. Everyone gets their Christmas dinner. I wonder how many volunteers there are on March 3rd. Lucky no one needs help except on Jesus day. (note: there are real volunteers out there that do do that all the time and those people can legitimately feel good about themselves... seriously... good work.)

So... tomorrow is the day.

We'll waste money on thing we don't want and certainly don't need.

We'll spend the time with people we might not even like, and certainly can't be ourselves around.

We'll feel like being kind for 24 hours... but not because we want to be genuine... but because we think we'll feel better about ourselves if we do. Selfish kindness.

We'll listen to music with no meaning or meaning that is substantial and lost.

All because of Jesus' birthday. Jesus. Who was at best a good sleight of hand magician. I guess it shouldn't come as a surprise to me that his birthday is celebrated with acts of pomp, circumstance, trickery, deceit, and general misdirection.

Although I'd rather celebrate Penn & Teller day.

Merry Penn & Teller day everyone.