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May 21, 2008

Burpin' the Fur off the Cat

Hi.

People who read this thing daily have noticed that over the past few weeks I have been silent. People who know me know that that is not in my nature. Before I go my big rant about white trash, I'd like to throw out the following nuggets for your mental digestion:

1-My knee is within 5 degrees of getting full range of motion back. That's amazing. My leg is still weak as hell, but that comes with time and exercise. My surgeon has pulled the plug on my physical therapy and recommends going to pool & gym. I said ok.

2-I start a new job next week. I quit my current one because I was equal parts bored, bitter, confused, and perplexed. My new job has several big things going for it: 20% more money, my own office, flexible hours, good location within DC, it's not a bunch of nazis running it, the job speaks to what I do best. The downside is that I'm going to double (at least) my commute. But... they're flexible on time I need to be there (I was told "be in no later than 11am"). They're of the mindset that if things are getting done, they don't care where you sit. Although it'll be nice to actually have my own fancy new office.

So those are the big things.

White trash.

Why does the collective white trash (and often their international cousins "las basura blanca") think that adding a spoiler to their beater of a car make it look awesome?

Yesterday, en route to Dr. Bendisnap, I was at a stoplight where to my left a gentleman attired in a sweat brown shirt and NASCAR hat was driving and 1985 Ford F-150 or sumsuch thing. The truck was clearly used in a capacity involving driving in the mud and grime. On the rear of his beast, he had affixed a brand new spoiler. It ran up on two fins astride the tailgate and connected horizontally across the top. If ever there were a visual image of lipstick on a pig... aside from actually putting lipstick on a pig... this were it.

"That's the most retarded thing I've ever seen" I thought to myself.

I looked to the other side on my and saw a gentleman who I shall call Fernando who was driving a 1924 Nissan Stanza. Fernando was from El Salvador and loved his Jesus. I determined this by the flag hanging from his rear view mirror and one of the barely decipherable stickers on his primer colored trunk. I didn't know if he loved Jesus of bible lore or perhaps he loved Jesus (Hey Zeus) his neighbor. Maybe there were the same I dunno.

Fernando had also recently affixed a shiny new metallic silver spoiler to the rear of his duct taped together car.

Wow

Do people really think they're fooling anyone with that?

I guess I've never understood the idea of putting a fancy, cosmetic but functionally useless piece of something to a car that looks like crap.

Speaking of cars... I need a name, l-tag for my audi. My SUV (silver) is the Panzer (Z PANZER). The audi is a fast two-seat convertible and I want something that represents that.

Suggestions?

May 3, 2008

Nazi Geese

"How did the Germans look at a goose and say "that's the step for us!"?"

I had the rare honor of seeing two back to back live Eddie Izzard shows this week. The shows were amazingly funny in and of themselves, but it was like watching a mad genius to compare the two.

Izzard had, in his mind, a 12 point bulleted list of things to talk about (despite opening his first show declaring "tonight I'm going to talk about everything") and turned 20 minutes of prepared material into over an hour and a half of talking. 40% of the shows were completely and totally different. One discussed the merits rats. Another pondered the German training of geese to develop an awesome marching technique.

It was all part of a great birthday treat. Many thanks to all who participated in both nights of fun. Big thanks to Phil for dinner for everyone Friday.

Good good times.

Thanks again everyone. Best two nights of brief sleep that I can remember.