Drink Rum

So...

Driving in Washington, I've seen many strange things. Usually they're either governmenty or idiot related. Today was strange and somehow fit neither category.

So I'm driving down Constitution Avenue and am sitting at a stoplight and see a lot of flashing lights coming my way. I don't think much of it. Motorcades are common in DC. Except this one is going very slowly. Lights and slow. Very strange.

So as it's coming towards me I see that the police are escorting a white van with what looks like a large black ball behind it. It's about 15-20 feet in diameter. What the hell is it though? I thought maybe it was nuclear waste or something.

No... it was Eddie Murphy's head. It was a giant sculpture of Eddie Murphy's head on the back of a flatbed truck. I was too floored to take a picture with my camera phone. There it was... big Eddie Murphy head driving down the street.

It was a very good likeness too.

I have no idea what the point of it was. Maybe there's a new monument to formerly funny comedians who have flushed their talent down the toilet in order to make films they can watch with their children.

Posted by Monty at 9:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Now that I'm working in Washington again, I'm seeing more than my fair share of road related crap. Friday was no exception.

In the morning, I was multitasking and doing a conference call during the commute. The time that I go into work puts me on the road after rush hour, but can require that I work while I drive. It works pretty well since my commute is only 50 minutes vs close to 2 hours if I had to go in like regular jerks. Anyway...

I was driving along and I saw an odd looking convertible on the road ahead of me. It was not a standard body shape of an normal car and it was goofy baby blue color. I got a little closer and noticed the Alpha Romeo logo. I am constantly, but no longer surprised by people who purchase insanely expensive cars in horrible colors. A baby blue sports cars is just silly. The baby blue book value on this thing was $100-$200k depending on the year. I'm going to guess, though, that all of the "Obama 4 Prez!" bumperstickers lowered the value somewhat.

Nothing says "brilliant" better than $10 worth of bumperstickers dropping $50k off of the value or your over-priced, ugly car.

On the way home, I saw another bit of highway madness.

It looked to be a 1988 Dodge Caravan that someone had invested about $700 in "tricking it out".

It was also blue... baby blue. But at some point it was full grown, adult blue... but 20 years of sun fading had changed the color. Gross.

So, dudeman the driver... had his caravan lowered, had some of those little mini-tires like from a go-cart, and put on some spinners. Well... spinners on a couple of the wheels. There was also the preverbial spoiler on the back... mounted to the tailgate... no where near the airflow.

I usually see this sort of low-rent crap car customization on old Honda CRXs or Datsun 210s. Now I know what these wonderful people do when they get married and have kids and need to get their future little gangsters to school.

Posted by Monty at 12:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Strange but true... the pitching coach for the Cincinnatti Red's name is Dick Pole.

You heard it here first.

Posted by Monty at 11:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

OK ladies... here's some helpful information from your fashionista Monty.

I know nothing about fashion.

I don't.

I do know this.

If you can't walk in high heels, don't wear high heels.

There is no benefit provided by faux height or calve definition that isn't obliterated by the teetering and tootering of wobbly woobly ankles.

I was at the mall this weekend... miserable for that very reason. I saw a gal walk by and said to myself, "Self! She looks interestingly tall and perhaps her legs look leaner or something. It's a shame she appears to be suffering from Parkinsons Disease when she walks."

This lady need a spotter.

She was so unskilled at the tall shoe that she really looked like she was about to eat it at any second. She was trying hard to make it work. Face forward, arms down... ankles bending hither and yon. Trying to act like she was doing it on purpose. All the LA models look like they're having a seizure.

Don't fall for the hype. Don't fall off your shoes.

Posted by Monty at 10:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I was looking out the window of my office and saw something pretty funny. There's some construction going on nearby and one of the workers just poured a 40 of Malt Liquor into his thermos.

He's now driving a Bobcat. I'm hoping this afternoon lives up to my expectation regarding potential hilarity.

That's not to be confused with potential Hillary. She's less entertaining and more likely to be generally mean.

Posted by Monty at 10:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Holy crap am I sleepy!

I mean... sleeeeeeeee-peeeeeee!

Sunday into Monday I got 2 whole hours of sleep. And Monday was a long day at work.
Monday into Tuesday I did a bit better with a pair of 30 minute naps, a 90 minute nap, and 4 hours of real sleep.

Waking up at 6:30am is hard. Whoever invented early wake up should be shot.

So at my new job... I'm grinding my knee pretty hard. The metro stops I take and the train basically require me to go up and then down 4 flights of stairs each way. Stairs are the hardest part of my recovery. Especially down. By the time I'm on the train, my knee is throbbing and weak.

Did I also mention that I'm sleepy?

I work in Chinatown now. I'm the only white guy for blocks. I want to go try some of the food around here, but it scares me. Mainly because there are no easy to know words on the menu like General Tso's Chicken or Sweet and Sour Pork. No... all I see is this #&*()^ next to duck hanging in a window. I don't want to eat a duck. Especially window duck.

There are three Irish pubs in Chinatown that I know of. That seems wrong to me. I feel there should be opium dens instead. That's just me though.

Did I mention that I'm tired?

Posted by Monty at 8:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So early last week I was treated to a wonderful event. I got to go to Camden Yards in Baltimore to see the New York Yankees play the Baltimore Orioles. The seats were about as good as you can get I think. It was great fun. Bear in mind I've been to less than 3 major league games and payed no attention while there. My baseball banter is weak... mostly, "hey why that'd dude do that?" and "Are they all going to talking to him after work after that screw up?".

I was clueless to the mechanics of baseball, but fortunately was clued in as the game went on.

I noted that baseball is a much more civil game than football as far as the fans go. I commented som time ago ago about how rowdy NFL fans got... especially in the potty room.

Not so much angst going on in the MLB. No one wanted to beat up Yankees fans in the toilet. How nice.

There was a Baltimore fan who was shouting "I95! I95! I95!"

At first I thought it was some crazy version of bingo.

No... was thrilled about interstate 95. Why wasn't obvious. After thinking, I figured that because I95 was the route that you'd take from Baltimore to New York, he wanted the Yankee fans to go home that route. I guess. He may have just really liked that stretch of highway.

In case anyone wonders... Baltimore still smells like butt.

Posted by Monty at 12:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)