Chanting Names Feels Good... and Is Good For You Too!
So this weekend... I spent the majority of the awake portions in Baltimore, Maryland. Or as I like to call it, Craptown USA. I made a comment as I saw the city from a distance... "Baltimore wouldn't be so bad if they'd just disinfect it and get rid of all the people."
It's true.
Baltimore smells like old butt and dead vermin.
But I digress.
Friday, Saturday, and Sunday I had the pleasure of watching the Baltimore Dirty Birds get trounced by the New York Yankees. Fortunately, I am a recently converted Yankees fan so the experience was pleasing.
The last time I went to a game a few months ago, I had no idea what was going on. There were people on a field. A round white dot got smacked around by a dude with a stick. Seemed like a lot of hooey to me.
Now, I'm a baseball fan and can pretend to know what's going on well enough to handle myself in smack talking. There's a magic banter that baseball people seem to like. I'm pretty good at smack talk whether I know what I'm talking about though... here's an example:
Monty several months ago
Baltimoron: Hey your Yankees suck!
Monty: Your father molests poodles.
Monty this weekend
Baltimoron: Yankees fans are the most ignorant people in baseball!
Monty: Isn't your team in last place?
Anyway.
So now I'm all into the game... but I'm extremely pleased that football season is a mere week and half away. Pinstripes and snazzy caps are all well and good, but it's time to don the burgundy and gold.
In getting in and out of Zeus' Butthole (a charming, jaundice-inducing section Blahtimore) I had a fair amount of time to read annoying people's bumper stickers. I've decided I'm going to create my own and sell them. My first bumper sticker will simply say: "My Stupid Opinion". I'm also working on a better version of the Jesus of the Trunk fish that I see all the time. Mine would have the little jesus fish, but sneaking up behind it, preparing to swallow it would be a big shark with the word "truth" inside it.
The moral of the story (there was a story?) is... Baltimore is still gross, bumper stickers are stupid- so own that, there's always a bigger fish, and truth trumps the trunk trinkets.