Drink Rum

Posted by Monty at 4:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I was on my way to a party last night and needed to pick up some beer on my way.

I went into a Bloom grocery store... which I understand used to be the Food Lion chain... but now they think they're flowers or something.

So I was wandering down an aisle and saw a 2 liter bottle of what I thought was Mountain Dew with a new logo or something. But it wasn't. It was the Bloom knock-off brand called Mountain Lion. I don't know why anyone would want to drink bottled mountain lion. I've often found those goofy store brand drinks to have funny names and Bloom didn't disappoint. I spent a good ten minutes laughing at the bottle of Dr. Perky that I saw on the shelf next to the Mountain Lion.

Want some Dr Pepper? No! I want me some Dr Perky!

If I ever became a porn star... I'd call myself Dr. Perky.

Posted by Monty at 8:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Hey man... I have a blog... I should use it more often.

Anyone still read this?

I'm going to write very important things here in the near future. You're not going to want to miss it! Seriously! It's the kinda stuff that they put into Christmas Miracle movies on ABC. It'll be great. Bronson Pinchot can play me and Jean Stapleton can play the evil Mrs Crabtree over on Elm Street. Not to spoil it for you... but Freddie gets her.

Do you people have plans for the holidays? If not, can I come over? Seriously!

I'm going to close this post with a special tribute to the Chicago Fire.

Chicago guy #1: Is the building on fire?
Chicago guy #2: Seems to be.
Chicago guy #3: I think someone's idiot cow knocked over a latern.
Chicago guy #1: How can you tell from the building being on fire?
Chicago guy #2: Yeah!
Chicago guy #3: Because I'm really Jesus!!! (beems triumphantly)
Chicago guy #2: Hail Jesus!
Chicago guy #1: Aren't you jewish guy #2?
Chicago guy #3: Well I've had enough fire watching with you two for one day... I've got to go give these presents out to kids before my fat, drunkard brother Kringle wakes up and tries to do it again. Last time he did it wrong and ended up giving Rudolph a bloody nose.
Chicago guy #2: Hail Kringle!
Chicago guy #3: Jesus out!
Chicago guy #1: Maybe we should get out of this burning building.
Chicago guy #2: Yeah, oh too late we're dead. Hey but at least we met jesus and found out the true story of christmas.
Chicago guy #1: You know that was just Larry from accounting right?
Chicago guy #2: Crap. Ugh. (death)
Chicago guy #1: Merry Chr.... (death)

[The End]

Posted by Monty at 9:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)