Hide and Go Seek On the Internet
Oh crap... well you found the blog. It was hiding very cleverly behind the internets.
OK... now it's your blog's turn to go hide and I'll try to find it. Ready?
Go!
Oh crap... well you found the blog. It was hiding very cleverly behind the internets.
OK... now it's your blog's turn to go hide and I'll try to find it. Ready?
Go!
So, I've been thinking about allowing guest blog features. I know there are a fair number of people out there with things on their minds. If you have a one off-rant or would like to post a semi-regular thread here under your own byline... let me know.
It does not have to be in line with my normal postings or stylings... you could even take up the role of the anti-monty if you so desire.
I'm working out the logistics of it, but if you're interested, give me a shout. Most likely you'll be able to contribute on your own view an interface I give you without any direct coordination from me.
If your work proves to be more popular than mine, I do reserve the right to burn it up or claim it as my own.
OK, so forget the previous post.
That one was a waste of bandwidth... and... segue.
My e-mail inbox has become a spam bucket. I get a couple hundred e-mails a day... 99% of them are spam. I've had the same e-mail address for over a decade and I think it's time to pull the plug on it. I've already set up a super secret e-mail address that I'm trying to keep spamless... we'll see if it's worth the hassle of transitioning to using it full time. I'm often tempted to just abandon it as I have abandoned phones. (I hate phones, by the way. Although a guilty pleasure is blowing an airhorn into the receiver when a telemarketer calls.)
So anyway, this latest bit of blech is courtesy of Jesus. He sent me an e-mail about my free bible. I guess it wasn't him, but it was one of his friends. Apparently... if I read this book (again) I will become saved. Saved from what, I don't know... maybe from the whales. I'm used to getting all sorts of spam. I get phishing attack mail from all sorts of dorks. I get all the latest deals on every drug under the sun in new and creative spelling. Lot's of free porn too. I can even refinance my house with a new and better loan. And now... salvation spam.
I read the bible. I understand there are several versions of it out these days and I'd entertained the idea of reading different versions... but I think they all end the same way. The story starts off kinda slow, but it does have a very James Cameron ending.
I've gotten some very interesting spam from several religious cults. Christian bible slinging seems to be the most prolific in my inbox though. I've gotten a little Jew spam. No Muslim spam though. They really should give up. Based on all of my research... I'm going to hell (or whatever the equivalent is... Denmark I guess) according to all of the big religions. Islam even lists me under the "jihadable" category. That's pretty neat. Even the peaceful, non fanatic ones are allowed to kill me. Cool.
Ya know what I don't get much of? I don't get any voodoo spam. I'd actually like some of that. I get Wiccan spam (wicked wiccan of the west?) but that's boring. No pointy hats or anything. But no Voodoo spam. That sounds like a band name... Voodoo Spam. How much fun would it be to go voodoo dolling people? Hey, you! Here's a pin in your ankle! Ha ha!
But no... I get free King James Bibles.
I sure wish people would stop trying to save me. Why people seem obsessed with spreading religions is beyond me. I don't want any. Don't spam me, don't door to door visit me, don't send me snail mail saying "come on down! your the next contestant on the Wheel of Poo-crap!". People can believe what they want. That's fine. As long as they don't bother me with it.
I figure I've got some more good years left on planet earf ahead of me... then my health will fail and eventually it's time for the dirt nap. I'm really fine with that plan. I don't need anything beyond it. I don't want to be resurrected or reincarnated, or anything... just let me sit in my little box and turn to mush. Maybe on the 10th anniversary of my death (not a passing mind you... passing is what you do when it's 3rd and long or when you're stuck behind a tractor on a back country road) people can dig me up and throw my gooey bits at each other like a really gross snowball fight.
With my luck, someone will cremate me and ruin my fun.
But back to the point. Jesus... if you're listening... and according to your marketing you always are... just like Santa... and the FBI... so Jesus... tell your peeps to take me off the list.
Also, has anyone had any success with just abandoning e-mail?
I found out that I'm getting some international visits from the following places (in order of traffic):
Poland
Turkey
Canada
India
Thailand
Brazil
Germany
Australia
United Kingdom
Japan
Netherlands
China
Colombia
Italy
Mexico
Russian Federation
Yugoslavia
I'm curious how much of that is legit traffic. I'm going to guess that Russia, Yugoslavia, China, Thailand, India, and Turkey are all bad guys up to something.
But I think I'm big in Poland. I'm like their version of Jerry Lewis in France.
Aren't I lucky.
And there went my Polish audience.
Hey Canada... crap.
I can't believe I used a title inspired by Mary Poppins.
I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.
I was looking at some stats and I'm happy to report a 50% increase in traffic over this time last month. I'm seeing a lot of new fingerprints in the logs and more frequent repeated visits as well. I guess if I keep writing, people will keep reading. Funny how that works.
In a bit of a clean up, I'm only keeping 10 days worth of posts on the front page. It was 14, but it was also 37 feet long and scrolling is neh fun.
If I keep up with the frequency of posts, I might drop it further to only a week's worth.
All of the old posts are still archived by date and convoluted subjectification.
Mary Poppins... sheesh. Don't get me started on Dick Van Dyke's woeful cockney accent. Did he go to Australia to learn that? He sounds like bloody Paul Hogan... "That's not a knife, Mary... this is a knife. Look, I'm a chimney sweep, I'm gonna throw another shrimp on the barbie!"
Stupid Dick Van Dyke and his stupid accents. I'm going to go to Aus (Oz) and start a revolt amongst my people. 'Stralians Against Dick Van Dyke.... or SAD VD.
That's not such a good acronym now that I think about it. I don't think anyone would join up with a club called SAD VD.
You've won this round mister Van Dyke... but I'll get you... I'll get you.
Good lord.
Ya know, it's amazing to think that I have a job that'll allow me to sit and listen to all four sides of The Wall without being interrupted once. I don't have that job mind you, but it's amazing to think that I did. I did finally get through the whole thing from start to finish but it was broken up a bit. Vendor meetings tend to spoil the mood a bit. There was a guy doing the demo who said he "was excited to get to the meat of the presentation." I sorta murmurred aloud, "How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?" I got a couple of looks and a "What?"
"What?" I said back looking clueless (main face lately).
"What did you say?"
"What did you say? I dunno. What?"
"Are you on drugs Monty?"
"No, not today. Heh heh, no, but really no drugs."
So I have a question... at one point I could count the number of readers of this blog on one hand. At that time, I was writing for myself so I wasn't terribly consistent or... um... entertaining much. But over the past week or so I've been finding that there are quite a lot of lurkers out there. So this is a hand count. I'm curious how many people read this. If you read me, please put a comment on this thread. It can be anonymous and a "yo" is sufficient.
Also, wankers who think it's funny to add like 50 comments... don't do it. Yes, I think it's funny too, but this is a scientific experiment with controls and variables and a cattle prod, so don't make me tazer you into the stone age.
That reminds me... I need to go buy some fuses.
With tomorrow being the 4th of Julio, I need to get my explosive fix... well... fixed. I don't have any missiles per se, but I do have a keg of smokeless gunpowder, some red phosphorus, a bit of magnesium, and some diesel fuel. I'm thinking I can have me a seriously good time with that little mixture.
OK, I'm kidding. I don't have any diesel fuel.
I took the libery of fixing the funky title image configuration issue that seems to plague all of the posts with long titles. I've got a snazzy script that adds an image to all of my posts based on the category, but it was making the text wrap funny. My solution (lazy) until this point had been to just use short titles. Alas, I was in feeling punchy so I just rewrote it.
Also, today I expect to be diagnosed with some sort of mental insanity or whatever the politically correct term is.
I've come to my own conclusion that my body refuses sleep because my brain refuses to relax. It's not just that sleep doesn't come these days... it's like my body is actively fighting it. You know those little adrenaline rushes you get when you catch yourself almost asleep at the wheel or that nervous chest energy you get before a performance or public speaking? I get that feeling every few minutes before I try to sleep. It stops when I get up and do something else, but as soon as I try to sleep.... bang... adrenaline.
I hope they have good food in the nut house.
In the next day or so I'm going to pull all of my hair out and do a system upgrade. It might go painlessly, it might not. I think last time I attempted an upgrade, I lost all of my posts and I just gave up blogging. So if the site disappears for a few days, you'll know why.
Tomorrow will also mark the return of the FART.
It'll be a tough one with so many choice candidates.
Howdy folks.
After about 4 weeks of down time, the site is posting again. I've upgraded to a new version of Movabletype and as time permits, I'll add the old data from the old site here to fill it out. There will probably be some bumps and scrapes as I get the css and templates fixed, but we're moving in the right direction.
Big thanks to George for getting apache and mysql to stop fighting and submit to his bo-bo wrath.
I'm not sure if I'll be able to put all the old comments back or not. I'm also looking at new ways to lock down the spam so I encourage people to register. If you registed before, you might have to do so again. Sorry about that. We're really starting from scratch.