Drink Rum

Well folks...

As many of you know, I've been bored and frumpy about my job over the past few months. I've accepted an offer to be the Director of Internet Iniatives for a company called IGT. IGT is a gaming company... and by gaming, I mean gambling. They make slot machines. Their actually the largest manufacturer of slot machines and video gambling (gaming, sorry) devices in the world.

My office will be in their headquarters.

In Las Vegas.

My start date is in 6 weeks so I can make the appropriate arrangements. They're paying my relocation expenses and there was a healthy signing bonus that really sealed the deal (and will allow me about 6 months to sell my house without worry).

Obviously there will be a farewell party. And yes, I plan to have a guest room(s) so visiters will be welcome once I've settled down.

So long beltway... hello sin city.

Posted by Monty at 12:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I entered a multi-table online poker tournament.

There were 351 players. I just finished in 27th place.

That was the largest poker game I've ever played. It was arranged that each table had six players so you can do the math to figure out how many tables I went through.

I don't know what the current legal status is regarding online poker... so I was just playing for fun. Now... if it had been an actual cash tournament... the top 36 spots would win cash. Additionally, you'd win a bounty for each player you eliminated from the tournament. I ended up knocking out 3 players.

Turned out to be a profitable use of insomnia.

Had it been for real money. Because it was for... um... fun.

I just checked the final results... turns out the #1 and #4 overall players were sitting at my final table (I was knocked out by the guy who finished in 1st place).

Posted by Monty at 5:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Before I do the afore promised Las Vegas story... I just have to say this...

Is it too friggin hard to wait until after Thanksgiving to start with the Christmas crap? I walked into the office today to be greeted by a big old (fake) Christmas tree in the lobby and wreaths all over the place. Man... the holiday does not need to keep creeping into months that are not December. Just stop it people. Otherwise I'm doing Halloween decorations from September 1 until Thanksgiving. (I found the coolest skeleton lawn flamingos....)

So anyway...

I was in Las Vegas a couple of weeks ago.

Whoops. Turns out I don't have time for posting the post I meant to.

I'll only leave you with these words of wisdom... Don't ever let a stripper put her hand in your pocket. She is trying to steal your money. If you catch her trying to steal your money and she doesn't apologize... the black eye you give her will make her think twice about doing it to another customer.

Happy Thanksgiving to all and to all a good night... except money thieving strippers who got what they deserve and that's exactly what I will tell the judge.

Posted by Monty at 4:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

For folks that don't know... I'm in Las Vegas this week on the company dime.

I'm staying in THE Hotel... a Mandalay Bay property. It's just as snooty as it sounds. It's very very fancy. Here are the features of the suite I have:

3 plasma TVs
2 rooms
2 bathrooms
large marble bath tub
large marble shower
an office
a wet bar (stocked)
some crappy artwork
a doorbell
fancy dancy soaps and shampoos and even q-tips

Here, they don't have a little sign you hang on you knob saying "don't disturb" (it's time we embraced the contraction)... instead you press a button near your door that lights up a "go away" message outside your door. It also disables your doorbell. There's an option to summon the maid service that way too.

Bad ass really.

I'm at a conference in Las Vegas. I had some time on my hands today so I left THE Hotel and went to THE Casino to play THE craps. THE craps kicked my but up and down the street. I don't know what happened. It was the single worst beating I've ever taken in gambling. $200 down the toilet.

I then decided to make a nice bet on THE football game tonight. To make a long story short, I won back all my cash.

THE highlight of the day was getting a fancy shave at a place called THE art of shaving. It was a 45 minute face massage/shave... old school straight razor. It was cool. It was like 50% spa treatment 50% 1950's barbarshop.

That was pretty damn cool.

Oh yeah... I won a big viking helmet. THE people at THE Hotel didn't like that I wore THE hat in their lobby. They thought I needed to be harassed and booted. I told them that I was THE guest and they should bite THE big one. That's a shorter version of my real encounter with THE security team, but the (THE) point was THE same.

Tomorrow... I'm going to be Microsoftened for 8 hours... then I'm camping out in THE spa for THE night and getting rubbed into happy land.

Posted by Monty at 2:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Hi kids... I'm in Las Vegas at the moment. Something very odd caught my attention this morning. I saw an ad for a new show featuring celebrity look-a-likes. That's nothing new in this town... except for the fact that all of the look-a-likes were midgets.

Picture, if you will, a midget Elvis. Then try a midget Brittney Spears. It has to be trying to draw the "trainwreck spectator" crowd.

I was baffled.

This town has done some bizarro stuff... but this was mega-nutz.

I've also noticed that all of the restaurants here are decided that coolness and sensuality are more important that the actual food. There's a sign in the hotel for a pan-asian place that features a sultry woman on all fours on top of this guy's table while she feeds him a tuna roll.

I walked by the place. There was no babe on the table action at all. It was full of a bunch of people who seemed more involved in the cool factor than the fact that they were eating half-sized portions of food that was likely coming from a nearby PF Chang's. Taking a big plate and putting an itty-bitty bit of food in the middle of it and then flinging mystery sauce (aka mustard+worshetchirestechestershire sauce) all around does not make the meal filling or even good. If I wanted to see random sauces flung around I'll go look at a Jackson Pollack exhibit.

Yes... I took the high road with that last line.

Anyway... Las Vegas is starting to feel like LA junior. I've never been to LA, so I don't even know if that's accurate. I've seen LA on TV and movies... and maybe that's what they're shooting for now. I don't like it really. I used to like the californication influence on Las Vegas. It made it much more relaxed of a place than the overly New Yorked Atlantic City where old money goes to die. The whole stinking town smell like Ben-Gay and slow death. I'm sure when I'm 76 I'll love the place. Hopefully they'll bury me under Trump Tower.

Lucky for me I have no plans to live that long. If I get to that battered of a state, I'll knock the regulator off of my oxygen tank, give the tank a hug and light it.

I'd suck to be the person who had to clean that room. Last laughs are all ways the best, I always say.

Actually, that's not true. I've never said that before in my life.

Ummmm.

By the way, I took the Colts over the Saints by 6. Hopefully that wasn't a boo-boo. I'm fresh out of do overs.

Posted by Monty at 3:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So since Las Vegas, I've been busting the old buttocks getting ready for a software rollout. It's finally rolled out.

Yay.

So when I was in Las Vegas, I went to see Penn & Teller and I thought their show was great as usual.

I took the liberty to chat with them after the show and I must have made an impression with Penn because he mentioned me on his radio show the next day.

That's pretty cool.

I was actually going to get to go to his house for a 24 viewing party, but he had to cancel it due to getting a new show deal with NBC. You heard it here first. Penn's TV gameshow soon to be launched.

So I didn't get to go to his house for the 24 party, but I bet if I asked him nicely he'd hook me up with back stage credentials for his show. Maybe.

Screw it.

I can now bill myself as Monty, as mentioned on the Penn Jillette Radio Show.

Posted by Monty at 1:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Quick note... I was wandering around the South end of Las Vegas and got to meet Criss Angel (Mind Freak). It was hard to miss him in that he pulled up in a black lamborghini and was surrounded by popperazzi. He was actually pretty cool and very down to earth.

I also spotted Robin Leech (Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous). He was trying to maintain a low profile... sporting a hat and big dark glasses. I whispered to Kerie... "Hey, that guy is Robin Leech." She looked dubious, but the he said something and his voice was unmistakable. Then she started shouting, "oh my god! oh my god!" and Leech had an "oh crap, I've been spotted look" and he took off.

I got to play blackjack for a few hours and that was fun. I lost $100 but I drank heavily. It all evened out in my mind.

Kerie and I were taped for Criss Angel's show so we might be on TV. That'll be interesting to see.

Posted by Monty at 7:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I'm in sunny Las Vegas this week attending a Microsoft convention. Since the Microsoft side of things will be boring, I'll just write about Las Vegas stuff.

I'm being put up in the swanky Mandalay Bay hotel and casino. The bathroom is huge. There are two sinks. One to shave in and one to pee in. I was actually wrong about that part about peeing in the sink. I later found the toilet in its own little room. Poor cleaning staff.

I haven't done much since I got here. I was tired after the flight last night so I ordered room service and that was about it. Mandalay Bay is the only place I've seen where the room service guy wears a tuxedo.

Posted by Monty at 12:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)